BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
BBC Studios invited me to work with Murray to assist him in creating a series of stills that could be animated to help us better understand his Autism.
Empathy is difficult to judge, let alone understand or explain. It is often considered to be intuitive ((by those who feel they have it mostly) but in my opinion, it is learned and developed through life experience. However, there can be ‘blocks’ to empathy which can only be tackled through a process of self awareness. Often the most certain and confident people (no offence) are the least empathic and I am suspicious, borderline hostile toward anyone that has the hubris to humbly confess to having it, it’s a red flag. Being certain is a block to empathy. The most common mistake is to confuse kindest with empathy, they are of course compatible but kindness is not a requirement – empathy is a read. To use a terrible metaphor, not unlike the axiom ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ empathy should only be judged by those on the receiving end of our clumsy attempts at it. Very often we are convinced of our empathic abilities when all we are doing is projecting our own values onto others unsolicited. I have no idea of my value to others. There are ways to minimise or rather negotiate the blocks to empathy and its taken me 20 years since I became a Samaritan volunteer, studied Person-Centred and Gestalt practices and had personal and group therapy, to realise how little one actually needs to do and what an obstacle to the support of others actively ‘doing anything’ can be. Being a non-judgemental, non-advisory, safe vessel – creating a safe space can be enough and I might go so far as to say – is enough. That’s where I am now. Ironically the removal of the need to save or help in a tangible way creates an environment for the unlimited possibilities in the support of others.
Luckily for Murray and myself most of this can be achieved in silence.
I learned quickly during my shoot with some boys in a Ukrainian park in 2011, that in the pursuit of a valuable image of the autistic subject, they might not cooperate in ways I would wish or understand. The subjects in the series Boys in City Park quickly dispelled any expectation I had that they would respond in anyway that might fit with the rules of portrait photography as I understood it then. ‘The rules need no-longer apply’ and the images of them caught in the flash are literally lucky accidents in a chaos – there are privileged glimpses of the universes they exist within. Everything I understood about portraiture was challenged then and I still consider this to be the best work of my life.
So meeting Murray was not my first rodeo.
Attempting to empathise with Murray’s needs was expected to be challenging, certainly by the BBC team who were keen to manage my expectations of what might be possible. In the advance meetings, before they felt they could trust me too be anywhere near Murray, these concepts were discussed at length, it was not an assignment in the conventional sense, my ‘winning’ the commission was entirely reliant on my acceptance that nothing might happen at all – I explained that this minimal expectation would also potentially be the key to our success.
Predictably Murray did not immediately embrace the alternative reality we created within a his otherwise safe reality – a white backdrop, flashing lights and a new human being (me) to adjust to. In hindsight perhaps we should have introduced the changes incrementally in his presence rather than confronting him and expecting a normative response. During the time required to adjust, Murray and I sat across a table from each other, which gave him an opportunity to read me. Everything about one’s body language changes when there is even the slightest shift in emotion, imperceptible to some – if we accept the notion that autism is a form of super sensitivity, I must accept in this moment that I am being scrutinised on an level possibility beyond my understanding. I have experienced the perception of a safe space in others I have called upon to support me and in so doing have learned what it means as a significant way to open a portal to another human being’s vulnerability and allow the sharing of our most precious and protected thoughts and feelings – I have worked hard on it and I know what it is – I feel it in others and I hope others can sense it in me, I am a non-threatening presence. It is vital to recognise the balance between the need for professional success in this moment and the support and protection of the subject from harm however it might manifest. It took some hours before we were able to step back onto the white backdrop and begin in the conventional sense.
During the shoot my instinct was that the distance to subject and the interruption of the camera between us would be a risk to our communication so I used a remote trigger to set off the camera whilst I stayed with Murray on the backdrop – hence the reason why I am captured in these images (you might be able to make out the remote trigger in my hand, also used in SELFIE). I could easily be retouched out in post-production and this gave me the opportunity to work closely with Murray to continue to build up the relationship and direct him toward the positions he needed for the final animation.
NOTE: Even from those that can express themselves in ways we can more easily understand, there is no-way we can ever guarantee that our attempts at empathy are received nor should we have any expectation of gratitude for our efforts (in this expectation we are denying the subject the ownership of their own progress). At one point Murray started to rub my stomach as we stood together – it was a moment of intimacy that caught me off guard. His father later explained that this as a rare outward expression that indicated trust.
Please take a moment to watch Murray’s final short film.
